Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear Granna,

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I am actually proud to be an American. Last night Americans united and we took a stand and embraced change. Not only do we have a Democratic controlled House and Senate... We have elected our first black President. And for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm actually starting to believe that this country can change. That we can focus on the things that need to be fixed. That the government is going to be working for us and not just paying the big-wigs on capital hill. We are changing history, America is going to become a well-respected national again, and finally we all might come out of the darkness that has fallen upon our country. It is going to be amazing. I can't wait to see it pan out.

Other than that... I don't know what is happening to me. I've become apathetic towards love and relationships... I am really just focusing on me right now. Working, going to school, running... it is all about me. The young man who gave me his heart is off in the middle of nowhere serving his country, and I almost feel bad that I don't think I will ever be able to completely give mine in return. Granted, I care about him, but I don't see a future with him. I don't see a future with anyone but me at this point. I just want to enjoy the simple pleasures and not worry about things getting any more complicated than they really are. Who knows how I will feel months from now when he returns, but at this point... I don't know. I just hope in his heart he can forgive me someday for not being what he had hoped for.

Waiting for Jen to have Ciaran... He is late! It is exciting to think that I'm going to be an Aunt... and have someone who will look up to me... He shares my blood... so it is going to be amazing. It makes me wonder what it will be like to have my own babies someday. After school, of course. No point in rushing into things if I can't take care of them. I have to worry about my debt and all of that in the meantime. Hopefully I'll get a good bonus this year and a good pay-raise and can start paying off my debt a little quicker. Granted, I am not as deep in the hole as some people, it still is disconcerning.

So, that is just a little update on me. I don't know what is happening anymore. I just feel so emotionally off...and it really doesn't bother me. But, at the same time, I'm happy. So I can't complain.

Kim