Friday, February 15, 2008

Dear Granna,

Another couple weeks have passed and I am moving in leaps and bounds in life. I started taking my Paralegal courses once again and I am really enjoying them. I look forward to finishing the program and taking that next step in my career and hopefully moving on to being an Attorney someday. If nothing else, at least I am doing something that I really enjoy right now.

February is halfway over. My trip in March has been moved up to two weeks from today and I am beyond excited. A chance to meet a new friend, a chance to see a part of the world I never though I would want to see...maybe I chance to be loved is there, too. It is very exciting. I don't feel nervous at all. I feel liberated and free. I feel powerful and confident. It is such a good feeling.

You know how I had been seeing a counselor for a long time to help me deal with the grief of losing my best friend? It seems after closing the door I was able to heal so much quicker. This week she told me that I have made so much progress and I am doing so well...and we actually have pushed out our appointments to once every 4-6 weeks...which means she has faith in me that I have made it through the hard times and become so strong that I can deal with them on my own. Don't get me wrong, there are hard days, but in the grand scheme of things I am feeling whole again. It is a funny feeling...not having to depend on anyone for my happiness but me. I like living on my own, I enjoy having the freedom to pick and choose...I am so strong now it is overwhelming. And I don't look back.

I don't want to look back.

The past is the past. The future is in front of me and in my reach. The road may be hard, but it is MY road that I will travel. It is MY dream that I am chasing now. No one elses. If there is one thing out of all of this that I have learned is to take care of me first. Never put my dreams aside for anyone...find someone who can support them, just like I can support their dreams. They are out there somewhere. Maybe I will find him, maybe I wont. But I am willing to look. I know I am capable of great love and being loved and I am not afraid of it anymore.

Kim