February 28, 2008

Dear Granna,

Tomorrow is the big day. I can't help but embrace the butterflies I have in my stomach right now -- I am so excited about this trip it is not even funny. Everyone keeps asking me if I am scared about this trip and in truth I am not. Not even the slightest bit scared, I am actually very confident that the trip is going to go well and we will be great friends. If we don't take it beyond friendship, I am content with that because he is a good person, but I can't lie and say I don't hope we do move beyond friendship on this trip. It is funny how someone out of the blue can change your entire perspective on life and love. A few months back I was hurting and hiding from love, swearing I would never get into it again because I deserved to be alone, and now I am ready for it. I am ready for the leap of faith because I know that I am lovable and deserve to be loved.

I am a good person. That is all that matters. No matter what people have said about me, to me, behind me...I know inside that I am a good person. And no one can take that away from me. It is true I may be difficult at times, and often my opinions may cause people to look at me like I am an arrogant sod, but I really have the best intentions for everyone. I just want to help. Sometimes I just don't know how to come across without seeming like I am a control freak...but that is just my personality, and if people can see past that and see who I really am inside, then that is when they will be blessed with a strong friendship with me for life. The people around me now love and support me and try to help me grow and it makes me realize how I was lacking that sort of inspiration and support these past few years. I want to be a better person and I work very hard to try to be.

Regardless, I leave tomorrow afternoon and land in San Antonio shortly before Midnight. It is going to be quite an adventure trying to find my way through the airport and picking him out of a crowd, but I think fate is going to guide me right where I need to be. If nothing else, the lesson in all of this is it is okay to take risks, if you don't, you'll never know what you are missing...and if you do, you may experience something so much more powerful than you could have ever imagined. And if I get murdered in Texas, well, then I guess my lesson is to not trust in everyone I think I know...but I highly doubt that will be the case.

Kim