Tuesday, March 18, 2007

Dear Granna,

I discovered something about myself a few weeks ago...when I was left smoking a cigarette outside with an aching heart and an angry mind...That I am strong and I can move on. I went and did something that I never thought I had in me and met a stranger who I thought I loved. Turns out, he did not feel the same way. While he tried to be gentle about it, I couldn't help but coil back and do all in my power to get away... So I came home. I came home and I wondered what was wrong with me... why wasn't I good enough? And all of those familiar feelings of heartbreak came rushing back. It took me a couple days to get over that ache, but because I hadn't invested a whole lot of time into the made-up relationship in my mind, it didn't take me very long to move on.

And I discovered that there had been someone waiting on the sidelines the whole time that loved me. It is a wonderful feeling, knowing that someone who has seen all your faults and your suffering, you anger and your pain and can still love you, no matter what. He is kind and gentle, supports me when I need it, protects me when I can't. But I am taking it slow. I am protecting my heart (even though it already belongs to him) and I need to take it slow. I fall in and out of love quickly because of my desire to fill the void that Nick left...and I want to make sure this is real. Because if it is...if he cares about me as much as he thinks he does...then this is it. It has to be. I don't know how many more times I can handle an aching heart.

Life definitely has been having its ups and downs...hopefully for a brief moment it will stop sliding and climbing so that I can be happy. Even for just a second.

Kim