Sunday, January 18, 2009.

Dear Granna,

I am fighting against my nature right now... to take things personally and feel like I did something wrong, or that I am not good enough, or feel heartbroken...and I wonder where my strength went? I had been doing so well, been spending time with Kyle, enjoying him, and this weekend he was just...off. I don't know, hardly touched me, hardly kissed me (unless I kissed him first). Maybe...maybe he really doesn't feel anything and he is actually just using me? I guess I was a fool to hope that something would come of this... but you know what they say about love, it makes us fools.

Thankfully, school is starting soon. I'll be able to distract myself with school and more running...and only see him a couple times a week. Maybe that distance will help him appreciate the time I spend on him. Or maybe not. It is funny when you stay a whole weekend with someone, and you can't wait to get out of there because you just feel unwelcome. Part of me wishes he would just be a man and tell me to get lost...but like I said, maybe I am reading him wrong. He assures me he isn't tired of me...but I can't help but wonder.

Oh well. Need to focus on other things. Need to stay strong. Need to protect my fragile heart. At the same time, I need to be patient and kind. We are walking down a very precarious path, and I Need to make sure he doesn't push me down.

Kim