Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dear Granna,

Today is St. Patrick's Day. And to protest it, I am not wearing green! Actually, I am not protesting it, I am just wondering how many people will come up to me and pinch me because of that fact, it might be a good way to network! Who knows! I've already harassed someone in the hallway about not wearing green, then promptly announced that I was a hypocrite for not wearing green myself. It should be an entertaining day to say the least.

This weekend I am going to Las Vegas. I am so blessed to have a wonderful roommate that saw me in my time of need and he decided it was time to get out of the house and have a good time. He is right! I need some good fun! So far the agenda includes gambling, drinking, seeing a show, going clubbing and lounging by the pool. It will be the perfect vacation weekend for me. Let me clear my head, have some fun, and start the process of getting back in touch with the me I was a few months ago. I was so strong and independent. I didn't need anyone or anything, and that girl needs to reign supreme. And when she is back maybe then I will consider letting someone into my heart again. I need to heal. I need to be -me-. And I look forward to this adventure.

Last night I took a nice long bath with some lavendar and sage oils, lit some candles, prayed that Kyle finds peace and happiness in himself, and that I can do the same. Had a little hypno-therapy session with Albie, which I am going to continue to do because it is a good way to relax and meditate and get rid of all my stray thoughts. Then I lost myself in classical music, cuddled with Beep and fell asleep. Granted, I woke up every hour, but I think the more I relax the easier it will be for me to sleep soundly without nightmares. The good news is, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I don't remember my nightmares. Which is a good sign. I think the cleansing aspect of the sage oil really helped. I might just dab a little on my wrists before I go to bed to have that smell.

Other than that, I think I am doing pretty well. It is going to be a long day at work, and an even longer night at school. But after that I am going to hit the gym and spend some time with my roommates. They are going to be an anchor for me because no matter what I go through, they have always accepted and loved me no matter what. And that is the way it is supposed to be. It is never a burden when I am needy and want to spend time with them, or when I am crying and need a hug. They are patient and loving, and I couldn't have ended up with a better bunch of people.

It is going to be a good week. Tomorrow night I am going to go out with Nick and Jason (to buy Nick a post-birthday beer), Thursday Albie and I are going shopping for some sufficient club clothing, and Friday we are off to Vegas. And after Vegas I am going to quit smoking. This time for good. While it is relaxing right now, the long term damage that it is doing to my lungs and my running time is not worth the momentary flush of nicotine. And now that it is light after I am off of work, I think Jack and I are going to spend much more time together. I've been neglecting him way too much, and I need my man more than he knows. As long as I come with carrots in hand, I think we'll be alright.

So, today is the beginning of a new chapter. And I am in control of what is written.

Kim