Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dear Granna,

I can't believe it is March. It seems like this year is flying by and I haven't even had time to catch my breath yet! I suppose that is what happens when you have such a busy schedule, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is good to be busy. You know how I get when I have nothing to do. Always running.

Another wonderful weekend full of laughter and friends. Spent it going out, staying in, watching movies, cuddling, seeing fish and whales... Just so much in a short period of time (and when I asked Kyle to shave, he actually listened to me and did so).

But what is a weekend without tears? Sunday night, after I had been in the car when one of my friends got rear-ended at a stoplight, I had a near-death experience myself. I was driving home from Carlsbad, I hadn't made it very far from the boys' house... And someone was driving on the wrong side of the road. I thought maybe he was avoiding something, but as he made no effort to get out of my lane, my heart began to quicken and everything seemed to move in slow motion. I jerked my steering wheel and swerved out of the way of this person, and then stopped on the side of the road. Hysteria set in and I just lost it...and turned around and went back to the boys' house. Once I was there I broke down and just started crying, my body dumping all the adrenaline it could into my system and the scene just replaying over and over in my head. All of the what-ifs...what I hadn't done with my life, what would have happened if I had been hit...how horrible it had been that I hadn't kissed Kyle goodbye... And before I knew it, Kyle had his arms wrapped around me and he just sat there with me and told me I was safe and everything was going to be okay. And then he told me that I was going to stay that evening because I was too emotional to drive. I ended up taking a shower because I was so cold, where he joined me and just held onto me and kept telling me I was going to be okay, and my reaction was normal because it was a near-death experience. Being hit head-on by a lifted truck would have most likely done some serious damage to me.

Afterwards we lay in bed and watched some tv, while he rubbed my calf before snuggling up next to me while I fell asleep. He took my glasses off and put them on his desk and tucked me into the blankets and just let me rest. I woke up a few times thrashing in the night, where he would tell me I was okay and coax me back to sleep. When I got up on Monday morning, I gave him a lingering kiss on the forehead and told him I would see him. He held my face to him with his hand tangled in my hair and I walked out of the house slowly. Got home, fell asleep, then went back up where we spent the whole day running errands, being silly and doing stuff together. It was good to have him there to keep me sane.

When I went to leave last night, I gave him a lingering hug in the kitchen and he kissed me gently on the forehead when I thanked him for everything. It was a good moment. And then I realized, as I was leaving, I was irrevocably in love with him. And I don't know how this is going to turn out. I suppose I should just embrace the day and go from there. For now, I'll just be happy. Happy to be alive. Happy to be cared about. Happy to just be.

Kim