Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Dear Granna,

It's funny, how you can have all of these irrational fears, then suddenly when you're with someone, nothing matters anymore. All of my fears and insecurities disappeared last night after we spent another wonderful, peaceful evening together. Initially I was a little distant, we didn't hug or touch one another when he got there, but while we were talking, he leaned on my stoop and wouldn't let me pass him, so I gave him a sweet kiss and smiled at him. From that point on we were back in our normal groove. Touching, playing, flirting, kissing, it was fun, to say the least. We went to the store, bought groceries, and he poked fun of me while I checked out. While we were cooking dinner, he insisted on being in the kitchen with me to help, always touching me, or being close enough to me that I could breathe in his scent.

While we were waiting for dinner to finish cooking we hung out outside and he surprised me. He had ridden his motorcycle down to see me and we had it parked inside my gate and just sitting there. He is, of course, aware that I am going to be taking my motorcycle class next month and he decided he wanted me to get on his bike. Now, something you should understand is that no one gets on Kyle's bike. He gets angry if people touch it without his permission, so when he told me to get on it, I just stared at him and asked him if he was joking. He laughed at me and told me to get on after I told him he didn't let anyone on his bike and clarified that I wasn't just anyone. So, I got on, and he supported the bike for me. He wanted me to know where the brakes were, where the clutch and the shifter were, and where the foot break was. He wanted me to feel how the bike felt underneath me and see if I could support it with my legs because he wants me to be ready to ride. This act right here meant that he was admitting that he cared about me and wanted me to be safe. It gave me a flicker of hope that we are actually heading down the path to the relationship that I want. Of course, when I threw my leg over the bike I started shaking because I was so scared of hurting it because it is his baby...but he just laughed and patted me on the hand and told me to not worry. All in all, a good experience.

We ate dinner, relaxed on the couch and I massaged his shoulders during the movie. He had been feeling sore since his paintballing trip the weekend before, so I massaged out the muscles in his legs as well and just helped him relax. Later we were snuggling on the couch and I was falling asleep and he decided he needed to go (he didn't have a change of clothes on him), so he kissed me on the head a few times before I whined about him leaving, then we lingered for a while before he reluctantly got ready to go. I gave him another kiss before he put on his helmet and watched him get ready to drive away. Before he did, he looked over his shoulder and waved at me with a smile then rode off slowly. I am thinking he didn't want to go, but he got scared about wanting to stay.

Trying not to read too deeply into all of these things, but today my heart just feels full. We're going to the baseball game on Friday and Saturday we're going to the fair. We'll see if anything new and exciting develops then. I'm also going to ask him about what he is doing for the 4th of July...and see if he'll invite me up to his parents house. I think I will feel much more relaxed once I meet his family... But, I know it is still soon, so I might want to have a backup plan for the 4th...

Kim