Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dear Granna,

We had a good weekend. As I write this, my heart is pounding in my chest. Ever since I found that song that so accurately represents my entire situation right now, I've been struggling. I think I fell this weekend, and I'm trying to talk some sense into myself because if I admit that I've fallen...then it is going to be all the more difficult when this finally comes to an end.

In the deepest part of my heart I hope it doesn't...when I'm with him I actually feel like we could make a good future. We're so much alike, but so different that we still would be able to teach each other things. Right now I hope we're establishing a good base for what can be long lasting love...but is it all a pipe dream, Granna?

I know these are all irrational things to be thinking about someone I've only known for such a short time, it just feels natural. Feels right. But maybe that is just for me. I feel like he is coming around, that he is seeing I'm not going to hurt him and he can open up to me and I will never judge him... Or is that my romantic side coming through and I'm not seeing the real picture? I don't know anymore.

He spoke to his friends and family this weekend, and when he did he mentioned my name directly, which means they know about me. Instead of "I'm Out," like it used to be, it was "I'm with Kim."

Is that my sign, Granna?

I asked you the other night to give me some kind of sign to see if I should hold on or if I should run. Then I heard the song, and heard him on the phone... I don't want to read too deeply into anything, but at this point...I just...it is going to hurt. And I didn't want to get to this point so soon. Then again, you can't control how you feel, I guess.

If this is supposed to be it...please give me the strength to hold on...and if this is not...when it ends, give me strength to move on.

Kim