Friday, May 16, 2007

Dear Granna,

I was just replaying our dates through my mind and I recalled a couple of behaviors that at the time I didn't think anything of, but now that I think about them I realize he has been raised well.

When we were walking to/from the beach on Tuesday, we had to cross a street to get there, and he made sure to move me so he was in the line of traffic and not myself. At the same time, while we were walking down through the canyon to get to that street, he would position himself in front of me, go down the hill, then wait to catch me at the bottom. Or climb up in front of me then reach back and pull me up. It seems to me that there may be a little bit of a gentleman in there, after all.

He always goes to open the door for me (car doors, building doors), and puts himself in front of me when we're trying to move past people. The strange part is, it doesn't bother me. I know that I can do all these things for myself, but I kind of like the idea of someone protecting me because that is what he wants to do. It is odd, actually, the thought of someone feeling like they have to protect me from anything. Or the fact that he is a gentleman, and while we goof around most of the time, he does know how a woman should be treated.

I fear I am smitten by him. Not like the previous crushes that I have had on total strangers, but the more I get to know him, the more I can see myself falling for him, and I need to slow down. I need to make sure that this is not all a game and I am ready for this. I still have my irrational fears that he is just playing with me, but then he says and does the little things that blow my mind right away. When someone just puts their hand on you and gently moves you aside in a not aggressive way, but takes a position to protect you, the thought of it makes my heart flutter.

Maybe I am just reading too much into this. I keep repeating to myself that I need to treat this like a fling and protect my heart. Have to be smart and not let myself get hurt, but at the same time I want to just jump in. I guess we'll see what happens. I am doing my best to follow and let him make the first move. We'll see if he comes through for me or not. We're going out again tonight, I am taking him Downtown to a couple places I enjoy going to, and he might even get to meet a couple of my friends. It is the least I could do for him after he introduced me to his best friend on Tuesday. Just need to keep having fun and slow down. Slow down and follow. Be strong. Not get in too deep too quickly.

It is just so odd that we're establishing a good foundation for a potential long term relationship and I keep stepping back because I so badly want it to be real but can't believe it yet. Think he'll prove it to me?

Kim