Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Dear Granna,

It is funny how you prepare yourself emotionally to complete write someone off and then they totally surprise you. He wasn't talking to me all weekend and by Monday I had deleted his number from my phone and began the process of getting over this whole dating situation and then he started talking to me again. Wanted to see me. So I agreed. And we went out last night. As always, it was fun. And then I did something I never thought I would do. I brought him home. My mind was screaming for me not to do it, that I wasn't ready, it was too soon...but when he kissed me and touched me my whole body just lit on fire and it took over.

Needless to say, I took him to work this morning. Mom and Jen always tell me to go out and be adventurous and just have fun, and I had a lot of fun. Now I'm fighting my programming and making sure that I don't make anything out of it. It is just sex. Granted I do like him and I hope he likes me, I can't expect him to wait for me to be 100% ready because I never think I will be. It doesn't matter now. The initial fear of having a new lover is gone...and now it is going to be more about getting to know one another's bodies better, trying new things and all of that. Assuming there are going to be more evenings like last night.

I'm just...I'm shocked because I don't do things like that normally, but I need to just go with it and be liberated. I need to know that this is a natural thing to do, and as long as I am careful (physically and emotionally) I wont get too damaged out of the whole situation. Like I said, if nothing else, I had fun, and I got some experience out of it...and I know I can take leaps and not take too much damage from the fall.

Kim