Monday, May 5, 2008

Dear Granna,

Ah, the familiar sting of rejection rears its ugly head again...When I last wrote I was debating whether or not you had send him to me, or if it turns out the world was just playing cruel joke -- turns out it was a cruel joke. And here I sit wondering what it is about me that drives them away? Why is it that I get crushes on guys that will feign interest for a few days then run screaming for the hills? Such is life, I guess.

It has to be me, right? I'm the one with all of the problems and the weird quirks that people just can't handle. I'm too aggressive, I'm too controlling, whatever it is, I just let it fly and they can't handle it. Am I really destined to be alone forever, or do I have to change who I am to attract that potential life partner?

I already have lost my belief in soulmates...and now I'm beginning to lose faith in love and feelings and any of that disgusting rot that makes us weak. Why does rejection have to hurt me so much? How come I can't just take a breath and tell them that they are the ones that are missing out? Where is my strength when I need it the most? It just drains me, to think that, once again, I'm not good enough.

Back to finding my own strength. Back to not worrying about finding someone to date and just letting it happen. I need to throw myself back into Kung Fu and reading and writing and just be content with that. Nothing wrong with being alone, right?

Kim