Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dear Granna,

He completely exceeded my expectations last night. I am still in awe about the whole evening. Which brings back more confusing feelings about wondering what is going to happen? He put so much thought and effort into the date... Introduced me to his roommate, showed me his house, took me out for drinks, took me for dinner, then we walked on the beach... It was just perfect. And afterwards I didn't feel so bad about sleeping with him because I felt like he earned it. I just wish that he would admit that it wasn't "casual." I know we have only been dating for three weeks, but how long do you wait before you admit that there can be something more than just casul? I don't know the timeline on all of this...I am trying to be patient and just take it one step at a time, but you know me, I always worry about the future. I always wonder if I'm wasting my time...if there is going to be long term potential here, or if I should just dump the situation and move on... But when I'm with him, things are okay. I'm laughing and having fun. I can feel myself starting to fall, but I'm holding onto the edge to make sure he is going to be there to catch me. When I think about it, I get butterflies in my stomach, but at the same time a huge gnaw of fear that this is all one big game.

Does he have the same fears?

I am eager to see how this all pans out. We're quite similar, but at the same time, we have so much to give to one another. Maybe it is the writer in me that can picture this wonderful journey, but I need to stop. I need to be a realist. Just do what Mom says and treat it like a fling until something else develops. Things take time to develop. Just need to have the patience and the strength not to run screaming into the night.

Needless to say, I was impressed last night. Just when you think you have someone figured out, it is amazing when they can blow your mind.

Kim